My Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy.

After the horrific events in France, there was brief moment where we came together and mourned. People changed profile pictures to the French flag as a sign of solidarity, and I was reminded of a time after September 11th where we felt unified as a nation and as a world.

Then, the finger pointing commenced.

American hasn’t done enough.
Our president hasn’t done enough.
Americans are mourning for the French, but ignoring the funeral bombing in Baghdad and another bombing in Beirut.
Muslims are bad.
The refugee crisis caused this.
None of the Syrian refugees should be allowed to cross our borders.

And then France bombed an ISIS training camp and the world cheered.

I didn’t.

At my core, I still have a hippie heart. While I’m under no illusion that peace, love, and free hugs is going to protect us from a group like this, I just can’t bring myself to celebrate death and destruction. It makes me sad that there are people with so much hate, they will kill innocent people for no reason, but it also makes me sad that we have to bomb an entire group to protect ourselves.

For some, the world is black and white. An eye for an eye. They deserved what they got.

For me, the world is shades of gray. They were still living, breathing souls. It’s sad that it came to this.

Dear Officer’s Wife – I See You Too.

Humanizing The Badge

Dear Officer’s Wife,

I recently wrote a blog that was intended to touch the lives of our police force.  It was intended to make them realize that they weren’t alone and forgotten by the very people that they protect.  I wanted them to know that we see them.  I have spent many of nights thinking about my fellow Law Enforcement families and I have to be honest.  It has been a wide range of emotions.  Some of those nights consisted of me falling asleep with an immeasurable amount of pride in our men and women in uniform.  The other nights consisted of sleepless moments of anxiety and uncertainty.  Last night, as I waded through the responses to “Dear Officer, I See You”, I found myself thinking about you.  I found myself thinking about what it really means to be a police officer’s wife or husband.  And, I think it’s fair…

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Thoughts on Body Image and “Skinny Fat”

Let’s talk about body image for a second.  I saw something posted on Facebook recently that used the term “skinny fat.” I think it was trying to sell “health” (i.e. crash diet) shakes or something.  Honestly, I was so irritated that I scrolled right past it.  I don’t know if I can adequately explain how much I loathe that term and all it implies.  It’s supposed to reference people who appear to be skinny, but actually have a lot of flab on their frame. On the surface, I believe it’s meant to point out that the number on the scale doesn’t paint the whole picture and there are many aspects to health. I actually whole-heartedly agree with that thinking, but I find the term itself offensive. The term is a term of vanity, not health. It’s saying “hey skinny people, even you should feel bad about your body!”

What I wish is that we would all stop aspiring to have the “perfect” body and really take a step back and honor our own unique beauty.  Instead of fad diets and unhealthy pills, I wish we could listen to what our bodies are telling us, and focus on how we feel from the inside out, not the number on the scale or the measurement of our waist.

Our unhealthy obsession with weight was never more apparent than in the months after I had L.  I resented society’s pressure for women to bounce back to their pre-pregnancy weight, as if any woman who doesn’t make it back to that exact number is a failure, as if all the changes her body saw needed to be undone. And instead of kindly telling me “you look great” after I returned from maternity leave, one co-worker boldly asked the loaded question “are you back to your pre-pregnancy weight yet?” (What I wanted to tell her was not HR approved)

I hate the women who feel pressured to be a certain way and try to drag you down with their insecurities. I recently had one woman asked me where I bought jeans, but once I engaged in what I thought was going to be a simple fashion discussion, I was quickly dragged into a conversation about sizes and how she’s frustrated that she can’t fit into her 4’s anymore and she has to wear 6’s and “isn’t it awful?” She referenced me somewhere in the conversation and I think I was meant to hop on the bandwagon and complain about my size too.

I wanted to laugh in her face and tell her that I don’t think I’ve ever been a 4. Maybe for like a day in high school. But my body wasn’t built to be a 4, I would probably look sickly at a size 4, and last I checked, being a size 6 (or larger) doesn’t make you fat.  I am proud of my body (I like to refer to my figure as “athletic with curves”), and it always surprises me when someone seems to imply that I shouldn’t be.

I am a firm believer that being healthy requires nourishing your body, stimulating your mind, and honoring your soul.  I believe that happiness requires you to love yourself, and I think that overall well-being requires a bit of indulgence.  Translation: I need bread in my life. And cupcakes.  This is my version of “perfection.”

Taking a Break

After thinking about it for quite some time, I have decided to take a month’s hiatus from all social media, including the blog. And when I say all social media, I mean everything, from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram to Pinterest (I was really on the fence about Pinterest, but I decided if I was going to do this, I need to go cold turkey).  I’ve even removed the apps from my phone.

This is, in no way, a war on social media. As a blogger, how could I not love social media for all the ways it helps me connect with people? As a daughter, sister, and friend, how could I not love all the ways it allows me to keep in touch with long distance loved ones?

This is something I’ve been thinking about, simply for me, as a way to make sure I’m present in my day-to-day life.

I really will be back!  I love blogging and connecting with fellow LEOW, moms, and fantastic people in general.  I hope you all will “stick with me” through my little break.

Talk to you in August 🙂


Happy Friday, everyone!

Fridays have a whole new meaning now that I’m a mom.  Before, it was just about sleeping in and getting away from work for a few days.  Now, I just can’t wait to get home and spend 2 whole days cuddling and playing with my baby.  I spend a lot of time away from her during the week; I have to make those days count!

If you’re looking for something to do this weekend, check me out on Pinterest!

You can either click the icon on the left or go here:

Happy pinning!