One of the things I’ve struggled with as a new parent is balance. I work full-time (although in the tearful weekend before my return to work, I desperately suggested we sell everything, move to the country, and try to manage off of JD’s income alone). Time with L is precious, but it doesn’t change the fact that the everyday stuff- laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning- still needs to get done. I want to spend my entire weekend just relaxing and playing with her, but all of the other stuff seems to get in the way.
I now understand the meaning of “mom guilt.” I feel guilty doing anything for myself- going to the gym, having a ladies night… and even blogging. If I miss her so much during the week, why should I take even more time away from her to do this? Does it make me a selfish parent? Does it mean I’m not putting her needs before my own?
I don’t know. What I do know, is that I’m trying my best.
I’m honestly just trying to figure out the best way to manage it all- time with L, time with JD, work, and still participating in the things that make me feel like myself. I know in my heart, no matter how guilty it makes me feel, that I will be the best parent (and the best example to L) if I am happy and fulfilled.
I don’t just want to be there for L, I want to show her that you determine your own happiness.